She folded towels.

todd + mom

image: Uncle Todd + My Mom, Christmas 1994

I got an email yesterday from a dear friend that said her niece's friend committed suicide. She was 14. Her name was Abby. I can't imagine what that sweet girl must have been going through. The darkness and pain that she must have felt to make the decision to end it. I can't imagine what her parents and friends and family are feeling... but then again I sort of can.

I was 15 when my uncle Todd died of a heroine overdose. It was a week before my birthday. The news ripped through my family like a tornado. Everything was sucked up into the vortex and then left strewn across what felt like three states. The events of the day we found out are blurs stitched together by sobs and disbelief.

I was home sick. My step-dad woke me and told me to go pick up Kayla from school. I could tell something serious had happened. He was firm, intentional, somber. I picked up Kayla and we assumed it was Papa. He'd been living with cancer for years now and it was the logical answer.

I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when we got home. She was folding towels. When she finished she started again folding the same pile over and over utterly helpless to do anything else. I remember being immediately confused... Papa had been sick, I knew it would be sad when he passed... we all knew it was coming but this... this felt so different.

When they told us it was Uncle Todd I sat in silence trying to process. Kayla immediately ran into the backyard screaming. The next days and weeks would go by so slowly almost as if time had stopped. The rest of the world seemed to be moving at warp speed. How could they just keep on going like nothing happened?

That year I learned about the grief process. I learned about the strength of my family. Naturally, I developed some strong opinions about drugs. I learned a lot about what's important in life. I learned about healing, friendship + I learned the meaning of "I'm sorry for your loss."

May+1983

Uncle Todd + Little Lacy, Spring 1983

We still talk about him. Celebrate him. Miss him. I'm 34 now and I don't think about that day very often. When I think of my Uncle Todd I think of his laugh. He had the BEST laugh. I see him playing with the dogs, playing with us and cracking up.

Today I am thinking about Abby's family. I am sending you all my love. I may not know you but I feel you. As the world is whooshing by so very quickly I am standing still with you. I am truly sorry for your loss.

With love, Lacy

How simplicity brings tears.

lacy + cody

My little brother is on a journey with two of his friends, Angel from Spain + Alessandro from Italy (sounds like a three guys walk into a bar joke to me). They left Hawaii post college graduation with a backpack and a surf board for an open ended adventure in Central + South America. traveler on the ready

Mom stalks his Facebook page hoping to see some activity to know that he's landed in safe place along the way (that has internet). I can't even begin to imagine what that uncertainty feels like for my mom but I do absolutely feel the love when those emails come in.

They're in Nicaragua at the moment and finding proof of the thread of human connection that runs through everything when we're completely present with each other. His latest email talks about walking through a small town of coffee farmers and getting invited back to an old mans house where he taught them how they grow their own food + coffee. The email before they were given a huge tuna from fisherman as thanks for help they provided.

As I read the last line of his email ..."we are absolutely safe, healthy, and stoked! Life is simple here and all is well." tears welled up in my eyes and then one after another rolled down my face and into my lap. I can feel his deep contentment. I can feel his peace.

Life is simple. All is well. Who could really ask for more? He's surfing. He's fed. He's among friends. He has everything he needs.

Learning over + over that a simple life is filled with profound beauty. Hoping life is simple for you today too.

Love, Lacy

Thrifting with Mema & Studio wall decorating DIY

mema + lacy thrifting

My Mema is by far the thriftiest gal I know. Her eye is impeccable and she can find a treasure (at a bargain price) in a sea of junk. Last week we got to have a thrift day and it was a blast!

Naturally I tried on faux fur coats in 100 degree weather,

We visited my first estate sale where I saw this sweet little piece and bought several books there for .25 each!

 When I got home I set to work with my days finds... I took an x-acto knife to poetry books and classics and started stapling them on the bare wall in my new studio.

Before And after! I LOVE IT! A grand total of $2.50 + whole lot of staples.

Inexpensive, temporary (we're renting) and completely satisfying!

I went back through with a couple different shades of purple map colors and highlighted, circled, drew arrows and made notations on some of the lines I love.

Thank you, Mema for a wonderful day! I had a blast and my studio is coming right along! XO Lacy

Status Update

kayla and chloe

My sister has just had a baby. Her first. A girl. Chloe Emma Mae. And she's perfect. So much so that holding her just brings me to tears. Sheesh typing this now brings me to tears. It's an exciting and confusing time. I've held so many babies but this one is different. This one lived in and came out of my sister. My sister who has taken to motherhood with such grace, patience and calm. And Brian, her husband - oh my gosh this man. His face when Kayla talks about the labor experience (a completely natural birth). He was with her every step. He was in it. He was her rock. And she was amazing. They are amazing.

Putting the layers on our new home is making me deeply happy. Though at times I have to remind myself that it's not a race, there is no deadline and to enjoy the process. I still practice mindfulness around patience which translates to sometimes I am SO IMPATIENT and I want it all done yesterday. We're down to the tedious parts and I see a huge garage sale in our future!

Our garden is done. The first plants are in! We check on them several times a day. It feels like a new puppy. Yeah, it's that exciting.

The galley kitchen is actually working out. We've come up with some great space saving solutions, a pot rack hung upside down to fit the space, hanging the cutting boards, taking the upper cabinet doors off. It's my favorite room in the house so far mostly b/c we use everything in there. It's efficient. It's the nourishment center. There's a lot of love in that little room. And it's been a total team effort. Mom and Mema laying shelf paper. Mom taking off cabinet doors, Cliff hanging the pot rack and me deciding what goes where.

It's regularly 100 degrees or higher and it feels like your face is melting off. Still not used to that one. I am not sure if one ever gets used to it. And the bugs. Lord the bugs.

And that's my world.

All is well.

Life is in progress.

Cliff loves his job. I love my job (sometimes to the point of the ridiculous).

And little Chloe has my heart.

Weekend Update

May 5 weekend

We, well mostly I spent this weekend with Kayla and Brian in Austin. Cliff and I set out Friday afternoon and while in the car got the call that his dad passed away in his sleep. We talked about turning around and decided to keep moving forward (sort of life, poetic don't you think!). We arrived in time to go to Kayla's 4D ultrasound of baby girl Floyd. As we sat in the dimly lit room listening to the whooshing little heart beat I couldn't help but feel the full circle moment of life and death. As one leaves, another is growing in her mamma's belly.  It was incredible to see her swimming around in there and to see Kayla and Brian completely in love as they prepare to meet their daughter in 10 weeks or so. Cliff flew out to California to be with his mom on Saturday morning so we had Friday night to introduce him to some amazing Austin food at the East Side Cafe (ummm later that night I dreamt about eating the same meal again, best dream ever)!  We met friends for drinks at the Yellow Jacket Social Club where a baby bird fell out of a tree and Cliff ushered him to safety (he didn't have his flight wings yet, poor fella).  That's also the place where my shirt matched the bathroom doors. ; )  We visited Kallie (my youngest sister) at work at Cake Ball, met Kallie and her gf Emily for Sunday brunch at Mothers and I discovered my new favorite salad with Tamari Cashew dressing! SO FREAGGIN GOOD!  We picked fabric for the nursery (LOVE that dandelion print so much).  We met at sweet old gal called Prada (the dog bottom center) and her little sister Bella and felt the benefits of their mamma's chiropractic gifts (thank you, Abby!)!  And that's just about half of what we accomplished this weekend!  It was jam packed and completely lovely.

Cliff is doing really good. He's working through the stages of grief and feelings associated with losing a parent. He and his mom are reminiscing and remembering his dad and I know that's bringing a lot of laughter and peace.

Talk to you tomorrow for a little piece I'm working on about taste buds and why things that are so bad for you taste so damn good!

Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

Lots of love,

Lacy

More weekend photos are in the instagram feed on the sidebar :)

 

 

Mini book for my birthday mamma

Yesterday was my Mom's birthday!  This year I made her a mini book of pictures from WAY back when we took Cody to college in 2009.  Better late than never and always great on a birthday!

 
I hope you have the most wonderful weekend!  If you're looking for things to do might I suggest getting topless and taking some photos with veggies or fruits?  ; )
XO 
Lacy

Life with Teenagers

My littlest sister Kallie and her friend Raquel are on a road trip from Texas. They've stopped at our house for a few days on their way to Oregon and now on their way back.  One afternoon when they were out exploring Big Basin  I took advantage of the still in the house to get a few photos of a day in the life of two traveling nearly 20's girls.

We love having you visit! 
XXOO

BEACH

 
My little sister is here and is doing a proper job of documenting her visit at her blog.  The magic of what a laptop can do.  Thanks for bearing with me while I am still laptopless.  I know my blogging has been less than inspiring and Kayla gave me a proper lashing over my last post.  Something to the effect of -- I know you love your cat and all but that post did nothing for me.  HA!  Point taken so I'll gladly direct you to her place for fun photos. 
Enjoy!
XO
Lacy