The seasons are changing and with the lingering breezes of fall I feel myself retreating inward. I'm calling more awareness in around these feelings. I spent a long time on the phone with my sister this morning taking turns talking about what Dr. Wayne Dyer taught us, working through sadness, density, question marks and focusing on what's begging to be noticed today. I said, "sis, I'm so burnt out" and she replied, "that's great!" I realized immediately that I've been judging this feeling like it's a bad thing to be burnt out. It's certainly a feeling I'd prefer not have but in the moment of her exclaiming how wonderful it is something in me shifted. She's right. I know she's right.
It's great because feeling contrast helps us to expand, adapt, and evolve.
I can't feel UP all the time. I can't be in GO mode all the time. I can't create and renovate ALL the time. There have to be seasons. The moments that bring me to my knees help me to know the difference. That's contrast. You've been there too, right?
So much has been changing this year (it's already September!) and I'm looking back on the threads that have led me into this now version of myself. With each knowing, each incarnation I feel myself stepping into more softness and allowing. Kayla has been seeing visions in her meditations of unzipping layers and seeing them peel off. It feels like that to me, like there is something peeled away and left behind to allow space for what is now. To me, living an authentic life means changing things up as I change and this new website is an example and extension of that. It's me - right here, right now. And I really, really love this right here, right now me.
We've gone from RV Life to Cabin Life.
I want to tell you all about the wild transition that's been but what is most important in this moment is what has remained... living really simply. That feels so good. We spend time doing what matters to us. We check in often using what feels good in the moment as our gauge. We buy what we need, use it and then buy more. There are times that we both flex into the more is more feelings/ actions (vs. the less but better way of living) but the other always helps bring the focus back.
We were in Target yesterday and Cliff came back to the cart with two rolls of foil. I looked at him and said, "Two? We just need one." It was the tiniest moment of him wanting more because the price was right and me saying in a loving way, that's not who we are anymore. We left with one roll of foil which fit perfectly in the drawer. Simple. Essential. Awesome.
All told we lived in the RV full time for a year.
When Cliff's father passed he left Cliff the family cabin. The two of them built it together in the early 80's and before that they camped on the land for years. At first we were going to sell the cabin. We thought it would be one less thing to worry about and we'd use the money towards more adventures in the RV. It felt like a burden to Cliff and I was all for seeing him feel lighter. But when we got her set to put on the market we learned that the permit was all wrong. Looking back that was one of the early neon signs that said KEEP IT but at that time we couldn't see it. We started renovations that would help remedy the permit problem while we were still in Texas and had a contractor managing things. Everything was bumpy, hard and way more expensive than we expected. Knowing what we know about how the Universe works we should have seen all the resistance and used that information but we still were not ready to see it. What was clear was a gnawing feeling that we were going to need to be here to oversee things.
So we drove the RV to California thinking oh- we will park here for a couple of months while we finish the renovation project and then we will rent the house out on airbnb. Once again everything cost more and took more time than we expected. More resistance. More delays. More WTF is going on here?
At some point in spring we realized several things:
- We don't want to sell it.
- We will always keep it in the family.
- We want to do this renovation ourselves and spend time here.
- We feel drawn here and like the spirit of this place and of Cliff's dad know something we don't yet know.
- This is a healing place.
Suddenly everything got easier. The permit people were willing to coach us through some red tape. Our new contractor was bringing extra supplies and donating them to the project. We finished our epic fence and so much more. It felt like taking off a pair of too tight jeans, just total relief and restored comfort. It was flow. We found the flow.
Then we learned that a damn and reservoir is going to be put in and our cabin may be literally under water. Let me say that again... after all this time and money, all the decisions, all the driving back and forth, all the work -------- the cabin may be knocked over and flooded as part of a 110,000 acre reservoir project.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were dumb founded and once again asking the Universe to clue us in. At best it felt like a solid lesson on impermanence. Surprisingly we didn't panic. We were both eerily calm and knew that whatever the outcome it would be for us as this whole journey had been already. I was so aware too that suddenly this house that we were both so eager to sell and be rid of we were fighting to keep.
The first map came out and it appeared that we were under water. We talked it through, we still have the RV, we could just resume our travels as planned. I kept thinking... they're not going to flood us with the house so let's keep it in perspective here. We have each other. We have Ned. We have everything we need.
As of the latest map we are in the safe zone which also means that we will one day have lake front property. That's a completely unexpected bonus. We are hoping that's the version that sticks.
That's where we are with the cabin. Renovations continue. We've moved out of the RV and into the cabin. The first floor is mostly done. Ned LOVES being on solid ground. We all do. It's pretty incredible really.
Meanwhile, just as we decided to move out of the RV and into the cabin we got an offer to do a reality TV show about living in the RV.
Though the timing was all kinds of off we both felt really excited at the idea. We filmed intro reels and talked about our vision. The story of why we moved into the RV is certainly worth telling and our lives have exponentially changed for the better after having made that decision. We love(d) our producer and one of my trusted teacher/ healers agreed that the energy around the show was great. We pictured it being a wholesome look at why so many are downsizing and moving into simpler, more mobile lives. With our hearts wide open we went with it until we both realized that once the cabin renovation is over we don't want to get back in the RV.
Thinking about moving back into the RV literally made me sad and though Cliff LOVES driving almost more than anything else he too was not ready to go back to a life cleaning the composting toilet and the responsibility of keeping our car that is our house in tip, top working order. On top of it we couldn't fathom telling Ned that his days of exploring in the woods were numbered and he'd soon be hiding under the couch again as we drove down the road but this time with a camera crew filming him. It was clear that our little family wanted solitude in the woods and so we said no to the TV show. I immediately felt lighter.
Our renovations continue, we have expanded visions for this place into sustainable living and a year-round garden. I have numerous out buildings planned for guest quarters, an office and more.
Here's a look at some of our renovation progress these last few months.
I've been working on this post off and on all day and the truth is sharing this chronicle I already feel lighter. It's that lesson I learn over and over again that I don't have to go it alone and that it's ok to honor all the seasons of life. I want to tell you that it's not only ok to feel like retreating, it's perfectly natural. Release the judgement, allow, explore and let's retreat together.
I didn't intend to write this post to plug my actual retreats but that last sentence just made me laugh out loud at the perfection in all of this. That's one of the things Kayla and I remind each other of ALL THE TIME - can you see the rightness in this? Can you see how on purpose you are and this is? And so as I write let's retreat together I meant figuratively as a way to honor to the fall season but I will extend the literal invitation to you as well.
In 2016 we're going to Bali and Costa Rica to do my favorite transformation work. It's going to be meaningful, intimate and utterly life changing. Big promises but I'm here to tell you the Shifts I've witnessed have been nothing short of magic. If you feel ready for change please join us here.