Dear Alarm Clock,
I am not amused. You went off this morning before God was awake and I swore that it was a fire alarm. My heart raced, my skin went flush and my morning began with thoughts of hurling you into the pond. You know what you are? You are like someone else's snot-nosed screaming child in the cereal isle at the grocery store hell bent on getting that brightly colored, sugar pumped no redeeming nutritional value cereal. That's what you are. I appreciate that you are only doing your job but it's 2009 so perhaps you could expand your horizons. Something a little more cheery, something that whispers sweetly, something that says Good Morning Sunshine, the Earth say Hello! Something that doesn't make me want to leap from the bed, throw Ned in a pillow case and stop, drop and roll to escape the fire.
Thank you in advance for considering my reasonable request.
ps- Do it again tomorrow and you'd better have your floaties ready.