I felt so amazing after our last call and the week following was nearly effortless. I think C and I fought maybe once and it was just a small disagreement over eating with the tv on. You would have been proud of us because we DID eat with it off and he even commented later on how nice it was.
This week though everything has gone to "hell in a hand basket" and I'm not sure what to do. Everything is a wreck including the house. S picked up something at daycare and has been sick all week. I think I'm starting to get sick too. Work is at an all time stress high, there's news of lay offs in both our companies. So far we think we're safe but who knows. My parents and sister, brother-in-law and their kids are coming to our house for the holidays and we don't even have a tree yet. It's so sad and I feel like we may be that family buying the last tree in the lot on Christmas eve. Ugh. Oh and I ate a pretzel at the mall which made me immediately have a headache and feel all puffy. Guilt over a pretzel... I could hear you in my head the whole time asking if that was something that would feel loving and I ate it knowing that not only was it not loving it was as far away from loving as I could possibly get. Why did I do that? And so here I am in your inbox hoping for a little lacylike love.
p.s. Bring on the homework. :)
Woah! I feel you in every word. The chaos, the stress, the overwhelm, the pretzel! Deep breath dear girl. Seriously, right now... put one hand on your belly and one on your heart and take a deep breath in and out. Do that 7 times each time seeing if there's something else that you can relax and let go of... your scrunched up face, your shoulders --- are they up around your ears, your tight low back... let it all settle. In this moment let your body rest.
There are so many things going on at once in this email it's no wonder you're totally maxed out... first though let's celebrate! Dinner sans TV is huge! SERIOUSLY HUGE! I am so excited for you, so proud of you. I know how very long you two have been in conversation about creating more peace around meal times and that you were able to make the shift is a really big deal. Be sure to celebrate this big win over and over again in your heart and home too. Soon it will just be a memory of 'Oh remember when we used to eat with the TV on and everyone had a stomach ache all the time? We are sooo much healthier and happier now.'
Ok let's talk about this hand basket business (I hope the basket is a cute one...):
The house: Remember that your outer environment reflects inward. If you live in a mess you'll feel like a mess. Your home is sacred space with the potential to be a soft place to land at the end of the day, a place for your family to heal, to grow, to thrive. It's time to clean house! If you can't get it done all in one day and start fresh consider setting a timer for 10 - 20 mins a day and don't stop moving until you hear the beep! You can get the whole family involved if you're ever all home at the same time. I'll look forward to hearing how it goes when we speak next and we will go deeper into home as sacred space. It feels like there's a stripping down that is coming for you here... time to go through closets and pair down on some things. The goal is to fill your home with things that are useful, meaningful or both. Double points for when something is both!
The tree: What if you take the tree off your to do list and let it be something FUN? Remember fun around the holidays? I say go for it! Be that family in the lot on Christmas eve! Make a night of it... that actually sounds like a blast! Maybe even try to find the most pitiful tree out there and bring it home and make it yours. Share memories of what it was like selecting and trimming the tree when you were a kid with your family. Ask them about their favorite holiday memories. A house without a tree is just a house without a tree. It's not sad. Remember that things only have the meaning you assign.
S + the sickies: Is this the same bug you were telling me about last time or something new? I think you already know what I'm going to say... green juice, simple foods, warm broths, warm water with lemon, absolutely no processed foods and plenty of rest. And as your energy calms you'll be amazing at how that helps to soothe your sweet kiddo too.
Layoffs: What is it about the holidays and work of layoffs? Oh the drama and the stress! This is your reminder to get present and stay present. You can and will worry yourself sick thinking about the what if's around job stuff. Return back to presence and to your meditations.
The pretzel: The feeling you experienced after eating it though uncomfortable was familiar. Sometimes we revert back as an act of both self sabotage and comfort (even in discomfort). Forgive yourself if there's any reside left from making that choice and spend some time writing/ contemplating what you want to feel in your body through the holidays and into next year. Next time we talk remind me to tell you about the vegan lemon poppy seed cookie!
L, you're doing incredible work. That you were able to so clearly articulate what's not working this week is a huge step for you. I hope you're feeling that too. Remember to be gentle with yourself as you continue moving through your days. Your level of consciousness is raising and the support and perspective you need is going to come when you spend time in the present moment. I am looking forward to hearing how it goes with the tree and what you decide to do. Thank C again for his willingness to turn off the tv during meal times and consider adding candlelight or another layer on to your meal time rituals (this week especially)! Candles have a way of helping us to slow down and get present in the light of the moment.
Keep going, L. Keep going.