Elephant Seals...umm yeah you know.
An on going email with one of my dear friends today has got me thinking...
***Let me begin with a disclaimer... MOM-- and all my other strong beautiful women who have children and opinions the following does in no way mean that you need to crawl into an ice cream eating depression cause you will never have grand kids. You will have them sooner than later (no I am not pregnant, and yes I am still taking the magic no baby pill)... just remember that I am allowed to question. And I love you oh so much!***
Ok let us begin...
Each time one of my friends gets knocked up I flood her with a million and one questions and wives tales that I've heard and desperately want to know true or false?! The truly tragic thing is that it is rare that I get an honest answer. Why is it that we gloss over the terrifying things that are happening to our bodies?
Why is it that we as women are generally givers? There are phases in life when we are a bit more selfish (in the good way) but generally speaking we, as women spend our lives in service to others be it our career, our relationship, our kids, our commitments, etc.
Sure in the end you get to go home with this perfect new little creature that sleeps all the time so you forget about the rage that pregnant hormones induced or that you had hemorrhoids from hell or need I go on? But ladies... if a girl friend asks be brave enough to give her the straight answer. We are not making conversation... we really want to know. Today I finally, finally had a girl friend give it to me straight and much to my surprise... I am --GASP-- normal.
Why do people really have kids? And do they just have them because it is what we are supposed to do? If you are a person who doesn't just love children, who never wanted to babysit when you were a kid and can't stand the grocery store kids (you know the ones I mean) then is it ok to want to have a baby as a part of your journey with your love? Are there people out there in the world who have kids to share the experience with their mate and not because they are just dying to have a child? I know the answer is yes... people have kids for all kinds of reasons and there are some people in the world like my mom who just know with all their being that they are meant to be a mom. I've seen friends do it cause it's have kids or get divorced. I've seen friends do it b/c they had nothing else going on really. I've seen friends do it b/c one of them hit that magic age of no return.... I could go on and on.
I suppose the really great part about having kids is that you can make your own rules and raise them to be whatever you want them to be. Hopefully you do it with love and respect and a generous sprinkling of values and in the end hopefully the act of making a baby and having a baby brings you closer to your mate.
My mom had Cody and Kallie when I was in middle school. Can you say BIRTH CONTROL! Even having Kallie visit recently made me realize yet again that this parenting thing is a lot of work and a lot of RESPONSIBILITY. It actually scares me to death. I like being with Cliff. I like spending time together and having all of my attention for him. I like sleeping well and having energy and structuring my day however I want to...but you know all this questioning comes out of being closer than ever to having that conversation for real. We knew when we committed to each other that we wanted to have kids one day. We also knew that we wanted time to enjoy each other.
Yes, I know it will be different when they are mine. That is what everyone says. But for now I am enjoying our freedom and being responsible for myself and one very ornery Ned kitty.
