::June 2013::

June! For Mema's birthday we created pathways in her backyard. It was days of cutting out grass, hauling grass, shoveling crushed granite, packing granite, hauling stones, laying stones. It was sweat + cold beer on the patio. We all felt so accomplished. I loved seeing Mema's delight throughout the entire process. My little brother Cody came to town to say hi + see you later! He and two of his friends are traveling central and south America right now! I went to VegFest with my Aunt Mary and had the best time. Spent $8 on a green juice. Worth. Every. Penny. I stapled old flight charts to Cliff's office wall. Changed the entire energy of the room in the happiest way.

Went to Dallas for the Gift Show to hang out with friends. Visited my dear friend from college and met her new baby girl for the first time. I ate a ton of collard greens. Kale Yeah stickers went out and images came rolling in! My friend Monet and her husband came over for dinner before moving to Canada. Amazing fried rice. Amazing conversation. Cliff changed direction on his book about The Hinge. We've never laughed so hard. It's true that laughter is healing. I went out on a kindness mission and put happy notes on cars in the gym parking lot. And of course we went swimming. A LOT.

This is my story.

It makes perfect sense that getting sick would lead to being passionate about health. I just never in a million years thought it would be my story.

me with a freshly placed sticker for my love project,

Campaign For Confidence

, June 2013

Just breathe. I'd say it to myself all day long. Mid sentence I'd have to stop, gasp + wheeze to try and force air in. In 2004 I started experiencing difficulty breathing. It took nearly 2 years to get a proper diagnosis; Idiopathic Subglottic Stenosis. It would take seven surgeries and two more years to have the surgery that would remove the mystery scar tissue growing in my trachea.

It felt like I was breathing through a coffee straw all the time.

After a devastating first attempt at the big surgery in December 2007 everything changed. We flew home, moved up our wedding and got married in February at the Wynn in Las Vegas among our friends and family. Looking back I see how being sick was nudging me to LIVE FULLY and I can't help but feel tremendously grateful.

February 3, 2008

The surgery was a beast. I spent a restless night in the ICU in the most pain I've felt to date. I had a chin stitch (It was really more of a tether that attached my chin to my breast bone.) for seven days and was in the hospital for ten. My sweet new husband and family were by my side. It was a long time for all of us. I kept a Caring Bridge page throughout the event and loved journaling there so much I started my blog shortly after (my first blog here). Another gift from the scar tissue.

my neck felt like sheet metal from being in this position for a week

Once I could breathe again I committed to healing.

I gained a considerable amount of weight over the four years of sickness. Physical weight, emotional weight. I self-soothed with the foods I'd grown up on. Steak, potatoes, ice cream, Pillsbury orange danish rolls (man, I loved those), frozen pizza, lots of cheese, fast food, candy, cookies, brownies, Little Debbie snack cakes. Never met a sugar or dairy product I didn't like. I thought I was making the healthy choice buying Lean Cuisine frozen dinners and ordering chicken instead of steak. Almost all of my food came out of a box or was processed in some way.

Emerging from that place was WORK. I started making slow + steady changes with the help of a health coach. I did what I could do at the pace I could manage. Some days we spent the entire hour talking about switching from white rice to brown rice and then I'd go and make that one change. It took four years to gain the weight. I gave myself 4 years to take it off. Seriously. I treated myself so gently and still the process was humbling and at times infuriating. I bumped up against every old idea I had about dieting, about weight loss and about suffering to see results.

I spent 6 months with my coach, Jennifer. My experience was so profound that I went to school to learn more. Honestly the entire time I was in school I was thinking 'oh I may do this for work, may not... we'll see.' About mid way through school I started seeing clients and never stopped. I've been coaching for three years now. This work is the best kind of high. I love being a part of transformation.

My desire to empower + inspire started as early as I can remember. I've always known I wanted to reach many people. Health Coaching is one of my vehicles for genuine loving service. I teach people how to build beautiful meals + deeply meaningful lives. We journey together, co-creating every step of the way. We shine a huge flashlight into the dark places and light up possibility through the power of food. We get real. We get conscious. We identify and move the big rocks and little pebbles that have been blocking the path leading to your healthy life and body. Yes, it is about the foundations of food but that doesn't even begin to sum it all up. It's about believing in your dreams and finally, finally having the tools to power you into action. It's about radical love and self care. It's about lowering cholesterol and blood pressure without having to pop a pill. It's about forgiveness. It's about authenticity. It's about the beauty of leafy greens and raspberries and infusing color into your world. It's nutrition meets therapy in the best kind of way. It's like the movie theater that serves beer. Best of both worlds! It's that good. And yes, I'm a beer drinking health coach. It's all about balance, ya'll!

So that's me in a nut shell. Thank you oh so much for reading.

With love, Lacy

Grateful for:

Skype. Being there even when I'm not.Loving kindness. Avocados. Butter lettuce. Coconut. Kale. Human touch. Human connection. Faith that all I've been working to create is really happening. Seeing it all unfold before me. Anne. Anne + her recipe for burning out my post vacation sore throat. Ginger, turmeric, black pepper, honey + hot water. Meditation. Remembering what's already happened even though it hasn't happened yet. Couch talks. New Campaign For Confidence submissions and the stories behind them. Airplanes. Helicopters. Water. Sunshine. Swimming pools. Air conditioning. A well placed shit, fuck or dammit. Ned. Always Ned. Even though he's been a little extra needy since we got back from Cali. Receiving love. Giving love. Being love. Emails. Texts. Tweets. Post cards. Stamps. Ouchless pony tail holders. Yoga pants. Spilts 59 Tank Tops. Bare feet. My daily uniform. Moleskin Journals. Another one nearly filled up with words, observations, big dreams, plans, reminders, doodles +++. Today. This moment. Right now.

What are you grateful for at the moment? xo, Lacy

p.s. I'm over at Kelly Rae's blog today for her Hip Hip Hooray Giveaway! Come say hello + enter to win free goodies!

Sunday status update!

Today it dawned on me that I have a great life! I know! News flash! Right?

I've gotten in the habit of riding my bike to mom's + the gym. It is one of my favorite hand-me-overs ever! Thanks, sis!

Saturday morning we started the day with vegan pancakes. Totally worth it.

Saturday night got a text from my gf that her sparkly eye liner + Kale Yeah! sticker came in handy at a wedding. Each time I get a photo or message or email of a Kale Yeah! sticker in the world you'd think I won the lottery! It's that good! We were watching Lincoln (great movie) at the time. Had to stop the movie to dance + high five that another Kale Yeah! sticker got stuck in the world.

It's Sunday and I've been busy about the leisure of this day. I love Sunday. I love the energy of the world on Sunday. It really feels like Sunday. You know what I mean?

Saturday pm listen to guided meditation then to bed. Wake up slow. Meditate again. Breakfast made from the garden. FROM.THE.GARDEN! Completely tickled that Cliff thought to take a photo of the skillet before cooking everything up. Grocery shopping. Went to three different places to get the best deals. Makes me happy. I come by it honestly. Quality girl friend chat time. Soul elixir. Swimming laps. I am getting so involuntarily tan from swimming everyday. I catch myself in the mirror and I'm like WOAH SO TAN! My usually porcelain skin is a little dry but otherwise happy and feeling really healthy. Thank you vitamin D! Cliff pointed out today that we spend big bucks on filters to get the chlorine out of our water at home both for drinking and showering yet we hop into the chlorine filled pool each day. Good point, well made. I will still be swimming tomorrow. It's all in the balance I suppose. Cooking/preparing food for the week... Cucumber salad--- oh how I love dill! Fried rice + ginger sauce (added a heaping tbsp of ghee to the fried rice this time--- awww the good fat). Juiced the Melted Popsicle.  Seriously considered going to the local snow cone place for a cup of ice to pour the Melted Popsicle over! Maybe next time! Next up something with chickpeas b/c I can't seem to get enough of them lately. And maybe a pasta salad too. Cliff picked a teensy tiny orange bell pepper today (about the size of a plum) that wants to be made useful.

Off to the kitchen!

Wishing you a month of Sundays! Lacy

A letter to little me.

My dad and step mom are on a cruise so it was a virtual Father's Day wish yesterday via a little nostalgia. Looking through old photos so much came rushing in. I love this picture. I have so many favorite photos of me around this age. I can't help but look at old photos and think of that little girl as someone totally separate from me. Do you do that too? Do you see little you and want to send her messages from the future? After seeing this photo I wrote her a letter... Dearest Lacy,

You are so wonderfully carefree + cute in your little yellow bikini! You're going to have lots of bikinis in your life, wear them proudly! You have a beautiful body! Be proud of it! Celebrate, explore, honor, have fun and take care of your body.

You are so completely loved and right now you know it. Remember that, it will always be true.

Lacy, thank you for being so unafraid and so bold. Your voice is very powerful. Please promise me that you will use it. Don't shrink when people call you bossy and shhhh you. Figure out what your truth is and stand by it even when it is really, really hard. Even if it means standing alone. I will be there with you. It will always be worth it.

You are smart, so very smart and please listen to your Mema when she says "Hun, you can do anything you want to do." She's right. She knows what she's talking about. Do your "cute little girl with a cute little figure dance" you're such a good dancer and those long legs are going to serve you well in life. Be proud of your height. Don't worry, you won't be taller than the boys forever.

Hey, heads up for 6th grade, it's kind of a shit show. A boy is going to tease you in gym class. Don't spray him in the face with your hairspray even though you're going to really, really want to. You'll make your mother cry and get into HUGE trouble. Also, skip that haircut at Visible Changes in the mall. You're going to walk out of there with one side way shorter than the other and it will take forever to grow out. Oh, and don't ride your bike Kinkos. Some crazy man will run over with his car on your pink bike. Hit and run. Seriously, it leaves a mark. Gosh--- just maintain a huge sense of humor for all the middle school years. It's all going to be ok. I promise. High school gets way better. You're going to fall in love! Enjoy every sweet second like I know you will. It's going to be a freaking blast!

Your little sister is your forever friend. Be nice to her, ok. She's your safe place, it's ok to share your secrets with her. She will always be there for you.

Sweet girl your life is going to unfold absolutely perfectly. Trust in the journey, you get to live a long life so remember there's plenty of time.  Don't take yourself too seriously. You're funny. You're really, really funny. Enjoy laughter. Start practicing yoga sooner than later it's going to teach you how to let go and how to go within. Love unapologetically and know that big wonderful true love is going to wash over and consume you many times. In the very best of ways love will always lead you home. Let it in, allow others to love you. Write letters. Believe in your dreams, all of them! Write them down, especially the really big ones and watch as life conspires in your favor.

It's ok to feel your feelings deeply. Learn how to forgive yourself. Learn how to forgive others. Speaking of... practice kindness especially with your parents. They're doing the best they can. See them as people (and not just your parents) as soon as you can. They're really cool people.

It's ok to change course quickly. You don't have to stay at a job if you don't like it. It doesn't matter how your life looks on paper. You get to decide what's best for you. Listen to your intuition, it's always right. Follow your heart and be brave. Do what feels best for you.

And remember, I will always be here with you. I will always take care of you. I will always love you. Lacy

Suffering is optional.

I left most of my suffering behind in my 20's only after desperately trying to suffer well. As if there was some kind of reward in being a martyr. I was raised that you "suck it up" and "get to work." Crying was met with "dry it up or I'll give you something to cry about." That mentality served me for a long time. It made me into a do-er but it left me exhausted, just too much striving energy. It was a roller coaster that lead to self loathing and perpetuated unhealthy habits. It usually looked something like this...

The end of a long day at a job I hated (my time in corporate America is now just a chapter in my life but at the time it felt like I was slowly bleeding out). Car ride home -- conversation in my head... shall I make something for dinner or order out? Pick something up? Maybe just ice cream? I just want to get out of these pants. This button has been digging into my stomach for the last 9 hours 27 minutes and 36 seconds. Ok yes, stretchy pants first and dinner second.

A pint of Ben + Jerry's or frozen pizza would lead to extreme guilt which would lead to eating more because I've already come this far so why not? I will do better tomorrow. I'll skip breakfast, no maybe just some oatmeal. We are supposed to eat breakfast, right? Tomorrow would come and I'd wake up feeling fat, puffy and look in the mirror to prove it yet again. Yeap- good morning fat ass and so the day begins.

You could see why I was so tortured. I had no idea what I was doing to myself! I figured if I buckled down, got really serious, got myself to the gym and stopped eating ice cream and pizza life would be perfect. I'd be thin and everything would magically work out.

I was so mislead. I was so stuck. I'd tried everything I could think of but I hit the wall. I needed help. Being gentle was the answer. Getting coaching was the answer. Making slow and steady step-by-step changes was the answer. I went from a hard core, must suffer, must sweat to see progress, sharp edges, super intense girl to a softer, more forgiving woman. I gave up suffering and holy crap, I actually lost the weight too.

I wake up now and look at myself in the mirror and say, "Lacy you are wonderful and I love you!" I say nice things to myself all day long. The days of fat pinching and self loathing are long gone. I can't tell you the last time I sat down and ate an entire anything out of desperation. Now if I eat pizza I make or buy an incredible pizza with incredible ingredients. I eat as much as I want and I enjoy every. single. bite.

Wondering... where could you be a little nicer to yourself? Have you given up suffering yet?

You are beautiful + I love you, Lacy

::April 2013::

All the sudden it's June and I'm behind on my months in review! How is it that always happens around summer? Summer gets here and the last few months fade into the background? Nothing a quick download of my instagram photos won't fix! I use Instaport to download + save my photos to my desktop. Ok so April...

- Cliff went to Cali. His first time back since we moved to Texas. It was surreal for us both. He got to see friends we miss, eat food we love and spend QT with his mom. I still haven't been back and truth be told if I could go for even a day I would. I'd get my brows waxed with Jenn, get my haircut with Silvia, go to the beach, eat at Tandoori Oven + Aqui and hug about a half dozen friends good and tight!

- We found a baby opossum in our backyard and Cliff helped it get back over the fence to it's mama.

- Co-lead my first webinar on eating raw food with my Aunt! It was electric, exciting and so easy. It just flowed. Mary shared her raw food experiment + tremendous results (weight loss in the double digits). Here's a reCap of my Raw Food experiment if you're interested.

- Aunt Mary and I did a service day and planted trees. Lots and lots of little seedlings got pots to grow up in and when they're ready they will get planted in areas of Texas that have been deforested.

- I drank a lot of smoothies and ate really simply. Baked cabbage became Cliff's favorite, maybe ever.

- I went on a renewal retreat with my sis and aunt. It was healing. Transformative. Inspiring. So many things clicked into place at that retreat... I realized how much love and support I have in my life.

- My gf Monet took me to Sheldon Reserve for a walk + talk. It was just what I needed that day. It's a total find around here. Actual beautiful nature tucked away from it all but so close!

- The first batch of Kale Yeah stickers arrived and I started mailing those babies out into the world! And I put out my  FREE juicing poster for perfect green juice combos every time! If you'd like to help spread the Kale Yeah! message I'm still sending stickers out!

- Went to the Women's expo with Aunt Mary, Mom + Mema. Derrick (my cousin) + Jaymi's house warming later that day. Cutest house ever. It's so perfect for them.

- And last be certainly not least I did my first helicopter ride... officially bitten by the flying bug.

Wow April you were pretty awesome! I love how everywhere we've been leads to where we are. I love tracking back. I love remembering where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. It takes me right back to what I was feeling, what was stirring inside, what I was excited about, worrying about, thinking about and working on.

That beautiful feeling.

This was my snack last night. It inspired this post. I spent the better part of my life with an upset stomach after every meal and chronic constipation. I thought that was just digestion and that girls weren't as regular as boys. My snacks (and most of my food) as a kid all came from a box. Little Debbie snack cakes, Fruit Roll Ups,  Zingers (with icing of course)... if it came in a box and was endorsed by magical cartoon characters I had to have it. I spent the better part of my formative years choosing cereal based entirely on what flavor it would change the milk into. It was a completely awesome childhood! And it didn't stop there. I ate cake for dinner like 4 nights a week in college. Freshman 15? Who cares, that's what is supposed to happen, right!? It wasn't until I got sick and fat that I started to make the correlation that food was owning my moods and wrecking havoc on my body.

Tapping into the feelings and sensations in my body has been central to my journey to health. Yoga and meditation were my first teachers, making peace with food sealed the deal. I took it slow and didn't get in a rush to eat healthy just because I thought I should. I know me and I would have crashed and burned face first into a cake. And I did many times, most of them unapologetic. Eventually, I'd get back up and give it another go. For me the hardest thing to overcome was choosing healthy foods because that is what I wanted instead of feeling like I was missing out on the really good stuff. It took time to feel that the really good stuff isn't the shit that makes you feel like your sludging your way through life all constipated and angry. The good stuff makes you feel more like yourself, vibrant, vital and ALIVE!  That's why I do this work. The way I feel eating clean foods, the peace and healing that has rushed into my life as a result... it's just too good not to share.

So yesterday as I made myself a snack I took a moment to acknowledge how far I've come. I mean come on --- sliced radishes for a snack and because that is what sounded good! Who am I? As I posted the image of up on instagram and FB I felt a beam of pride, it was a little snack triumph. One among many that now fill my days. The light from the kitchen window was beautiful, my little plate was beautiful and the feeling that I felt eating it and after was beautiful.

Eating clean* just makes me feel better. It makes me slow down, absorb and appreciate life. It makes me feel proud that I am giving myself and my body goodness. After all, I love me so why wouldn't I take care of me? I come from a family that intimately knows depression, eating this way keeps me in the life is good zone and out of the can't get out of bed zone. It supports me mind, body and spirit. I have better energy, better sex, better moods, better elimination, better focus...better everything. To me eating clean is subtle and graceful and calm. It's that first stretch in bed in the morning. It's a walk on the beach, my toes in the sand. It's the feeling when you really, truly exhale a full breath. Or first slip into a warm bath. It's that energy in the air and smell just before it rains, god I love that smell. It's sensation, pleasure and excitement in my taste buds and then a complete non-event in my stomach. It's a feeling that all is right. And then I get up and get on with my life. No weird gurgling in my belly, no food coma, no crash in the afternoon. It's sweet and steady like the most comforting kind of love. I know that this sounds romantic and maybe as my client Hannah says a little "woo woo" but it's how I feel and it's beautiful.

Immense gratitude for all those who've been and are with me on the journey, for my meat and potatoes upbringing, for yoga and that very first class that taught me what it was to feel into my body, for veggies and for Jennifer for asking me to explain what I meant by the description I put on the photo of my snack "beautiful feeling in my body."

Love,

Lacy

*Eating clean as I define it is eating foods that are whole, natural, organic and as close to the source from which they came as possible. Veggies, fruits, grains, beans... basically a plant based diet with as little processed food as possible. I DO still eat processed foods if and when I want them, it's usually in the form of a really amazing chocolate bar (dark chocolate, almond and sea salt is my current favorite). I will NOT eat food with MSG, GMO, High Fructose Corn Syrup, etc. I will eat meat or eggs if I feel like I want it though the occasions are getting farther and father apart. I don't eat fish or any kind of seafood but I never have (just don't like it... taste, texture) so that's really not a factor. I will eat some cheeses, raw milk and goat milk cheese are my favorite.

To begin or continue to change your relationship with food for the better join us at Group Health Coaching beginning Nov 7!

This Magical Place

There's adventure waiting everywhere... Cody is a badass :)

Little treasures found on the beach...abandoned ship ; )

Local fruit falling from nearby trees... morning jabong

The beauty that is in every living thing... Fan Palm

This place that has brought me home to myself... daily beach walks <3

Happy on the beach... North Shore watching big wave surfers

Local food made with Aloha... Waialua Bakery speaking truth.

Meeting new friends...Happy Sunka

Quirky traditions that make me happy... Buoy Tree <3

Artisans sharing their love of the land through their work... This piece of wood is going to become my custom made cutting board! I am SO SO excited about it!  Cody will take part in sanding it putting his loving energy into it too!

Source of sweetness...Saw my first cacao tree over the weekend!

Love from Hawaii,

Lacy